How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
