I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
