Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
