It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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