Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
