I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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