in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
