Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
