I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
