Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
