At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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