Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
