I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
