ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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