she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
