she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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