what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
being pregnant is like rehab
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
