if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She bit a glass in half.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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