based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
