I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
