I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
