If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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