I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
