I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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