Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
