Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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