It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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