He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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