your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
