Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
