The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
