why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
