So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
