I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
