Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
