Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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