Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
