We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dignity is for republicans.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
