Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
