This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
