when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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