I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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