woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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