we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
