remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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