Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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