i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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