I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
