He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
