Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
