Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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